It might not be what everyone aspires too. Long days on the trails, muddy puddles, sweaty clothes, breathless ascents of steep, relentless hills and daring descents dodging rocks – the feeling that only a reckless downhill descent can deliver. But it’s what has helped give me freedom, hope and confidence.

It’s been a long road though. I look back five years ago to when I first left the destructive relationship I was in. I was barely keeping my head above water. Being in an abusive relationship is hard – leaving is even harder. Research tells us that leaving is the most dangerous time, I would have to agree.

So I guess this blog is an education piece and a message of hope. When you first start running it’s really hard. When you first leave an abusive relationship…that’s really hard too. It takes work, it takes support, things don’t get better overnight and I would be doing a disservice to pretend like it does. It’s not all mountains, sunsets and smiles. I’m still working on it.

I walked away with little more than a belief that there must be something more to life, that it must be better than what it was. But I struggled to look people in the eye, to make friends. Life was a daily battle and one that took a lot of work. Five years on I’m standing in front of a crowd of 600 confidently sharing my story! Who would have thought?

For those out there that are struggling, I feel you, and I want to say you are not alone. When things are shitty and there seems no way out, just know there is. Bit by bit things can get better. If you need help, as I did, there are organisations like Shine. They can help when things seem insurmountable. When the world seems a swirling mess of crazy, doubt, panic and pain. If you just need to hear that you aren’t losing your mind and that you’re not alone – reach out.

Muddy puddles are my therapy. Out on the trail today (a trail I’ve been running for a couple of years) I got to feel a strength in my body so much beyond what I could have dreamed when I first stepped onto that particular pine needle strewn path. Just like the body gets stronger so can the heart and the soul.

If you or someone you know needs help you can call the Shine helpline on 0508 744 633.

If you want to support the work of Shine please donate at: https://give.everydayhero.com/nz/tanya-runs-thir-southern-seasons-miler-challenge